The trip of a lifetime – Mongolia

Mongolia was everything I imagined it would be and so much more. A beautiful, breath-taking landscape that is so diverse it was hard to fathom that this was the same country.

Nowhere else has blown my mind like this. We (me and my local guide) drove 3000km from west Mongolia, through the Altai-Gobi range into the desert and back to the capital Ulaanbaatar. We crossed through 8 provinces (a third of the country) in less than 2 weeks, got one flat tyre – a miracle given it was mostly off-road and bone-shaking journeys for hours and hours – saw few tourists and a hell of a lot of camels.

Landlocked by Kazakhstan, China and Russia, Mongolia has surprisingly an incredible amount of water from its fresh lakes. And they can be huge! There are snow-capped mountains peaking at above 4000m, dense pine forest, volcanic black terrain, red rock, a desert dust that lingers and wrecks everything mechanical when the winds blow hard; grassy plains (steppes) that are dotted with more livestock than people, glaciers that run through deep valleys in the desert, yes in the desert, and an empty horizon that never ever ends. Remember the film Mad Max? Well it’s not far off.

There were times when I felt quite vulnerable. It reminded me of diving in the deep blue far out to sea, miles from land, where you cannot see anything for reference. No ocean bottom, no walls, no surface, just blue and sailing-days away from civilisation. Gobi made me feel like this. It is so remote – is it spine-chilling.

At times we didn’t see a soul for more than 6 hours and the landscape felt like a video game, the same flat dry area over and over and over. There are no signposts off road, navigation is done through MapsMe and a vast amount of confidence. Only foreign fools try this alone.

We met one Canadian guy, who had a car crash. A nomad had rescued him and brought him to a local outpost town. He needed a translator to deal with the police. He was around my age, he had 2 teenage kids and their vehicle had rolled and became a right off. They were lucky they weren’t killed. We had stopped to fill up on dumplings when a copper came into the small food shop to ask my guide for help.

You need a local to drive here. It is not a terrain that someone inexperienced should attempt. EVER. The Mongol Rally is a good example. Gobi is where cars go to die!!!!!!!!

The wildlife through the areas we travelled were magnificent, golden eagles, buzzards, vultures so many other bird species, Ibex, snow leopards (sadly didn’t see the elusive cats) and camels. The Bactrians were a joy to photograph and comedic to watch. Their shaggy hair and bulky size are perfect for the brutal winters. Their two humps become flaccid and saggy when they are not full of fat, and reminds me of a pair of old ladies’ breasts hahaha!!!

Come summer their coarse wiry hair sheds for them to stay cooler in the 39 degree summer burn! The hair is collected and used by the locals to make warm materials or to be sold.

I managed to ride one, holding onto one hump with one hand, through the Khongoryn Els Sand Dunes (famed for its white sand that shines like gold in the sun) while taking photos with the other hand. Not advisable if you’re prone to being clumsy. They are very, very large animals to fall off!!!

My adventure began in Altai close to the Chinese/Kazakhstan border which is home to minority Kazakhs. They are Islamic and a patriarchal community. In this region live the Eagle Hunters. A small tribe of around 300 people who use Golden Eagles in the winter to hunt for foxes to make the furs they wear to survive.

The Kazakhs live on a poor diet of hard, rock-hard and break-your-teeth hard cheese, sour yoghurt and milk from all different four-legged animals (cows, sheep, goats, yaks and camels) they eat only red meat – mainly sheep and cow (the young animals are not eaten) and a heavy bread diet. Chicken are not kept, they wouldn’t survive the winter, and pork is a religious no no. They waste money on crap chocolate and cheap chocolate biscuits for a sugar rush and fruit is non existent. It is available in the towns – apples and mandarins, but culturally they don’t buy it.

Their food has zero colour, no spices or herbs and is very bland. I brought dried garlic and chilies with me to pimp every dish I ate. It was my version of hell and I ate what I had to, but it brought very little joy!! Right now i am detoxing in Thailand eating every available plant and vegetable grown in this country. My gut is slowly returning to normal.

My guide was an arse. Sad but true and not a surprise. We shall call him Mr Sunshine as his name in Khazah means this but he was the polar opposite in disposition.

A 37 year old former accountant turned tourist guide. He only set up his business in 2018 and it was abundantly clear to me that he is more used to handling groups, than having a single customer. Mongolia is so damn expensive most tours are with around 10 people or more. I didn’t see another solo traveller. I was the exception. And most people were at least 65 years old. With perhaps a one or two wealthy families.

Mr Sunshine refused to hire anyone to help during the 2 weeks wanting to maximize his profit. He decided to do everything himself: cooking (not a good cook); setting up camp, driving and guiding (moody some days, happy other days, total silence for 12 hours other days!!).

Fine you want to do everything yourself then get up before your customer. This lazy twat had me waiting three hours every morning for him to wake up (0900) and we never hit the road before 1130 in Altai. If we stayed in a tourist camp we were always the last to eat breakfast and last to leave. Everyone had hit the road by 0830.

He stayed up late getting wasted on Vodka and eating with his friends and family in Altai and then couldn’t function. The entire morning vanished while he fannied around, drinking watery milk tea. His favourite pastime. I had some stern words with him about this, which he didn’t like. I am an older woman who speaks her mind – nothing like the submissive women in his community. So you get the picture.

It’s unprofessional when you eat into your client’s travel time which they have paid thousands and thousands of dollars for. I have never had to wait for guide and I’ve travelled 72 flipping countries!

Despite the butting of heads, I was determined for it not to spoil my trip and Mongolia delivered in scenery what my guide lacked in personality and charm.

I will give him credit when it comes to navigation and driving, that he mastered brilliantly! And I could not have done Gobi without him.

There is some ethnic tension between Mongolians and Kazakhs, apparently, the Kazakhs claim they are not respected by the majority so do things their way, the Mongolians view them as hustlers and non conformists, describing them as wolves.

Mr Sunshine told me a Mongolian saying, “You can teach a bear to dance but you can’t teach a wolf,”. Sums up exactly what I had to deal with over the space of two weeks.

I am now back in Thailand, safe and sound, and delighted for the experience to remind me what an amazing home I have in Chiang Mai. Over the next few days I will post about some of the most incredible sites and hikes I did, and how you rough-it in Outer Mongolia. It is not for the faint-hearted and if you hate creepy crawlies, the desert is definitely not a place for you – especially at night!!!